Episode 1 or 'If Macy's is the sponsor, why was everything so Ikea?'
The show starts with Malan moving into the Atlas. He agonizes over the bad Feng Shui in his apartment citing how fake plants suck the life out of a room. You just know he's already worried about the thread count of the sheets. We meet Michael, Bradley and Robert who get ignored because Malan is oozing smarm. Seriously, it comes out of his head and makes a slick gel.We next see NYC sophisticate Laura arriving at the Atlas carrying Louis Vuitton and shod in Manolos. She looks crisp in a Doris Day, career girl way. She greets 'living off the grid in O-HI-O' Angela who is wearing motorcyle boots and immediately asks, "What do they do in Ohio?" as if it is some sort of foreign land. I was kind of hoping that Angela would respond with a snappy, "We eat puppies! Got any?" kind of remark but instead she just laughed agreeably to cover for her lack of expensive, Italian footwear. Stacey and Alison quietly move in and I'm sort of bored by their inability to cause a fuss. Maybe they are smart or something.
We see Kayne struggle to open the door and he asks, "How many designers does it take to open a door?" I was waiting for someone to give some sort of answer involving maybe sequins, maribou and paillettes but apparently they haven't had a chance to bond over their backgrounds yet. Jeffrey jumps on his bed like a child hyped up on Skittles and a Red Bull. Vincent moves in and Jeffrey quickly punks him with a 'wacky hand buzzer' and the Bravo producers have cleverly included a graphic with an arrow and a caption to tell you the obvious - gee, do we look that dumb? (Memo to self, add low-lights to tone down the blonde a touch just in case.) Keith, Season 3's dark, low-rent Jude Law (or LoLaw) moves in and quickly declares that he does menswear. Wait, didn't we already have one of those?Click here to read more.
